AVP...through Archaeology!

Alien vs. Predator seems to retroactively validate capitalist nutjob Erick Von Daniken. It’s all the evidence that can truly tie humanity's civilizations to extraterrestrials. If this movie were a documentary depicting actual fact, it would prove all the data wrong. It even implies that very sentiment.

The evidence/plot hinges around a pyramid linking all the ancient cultures, one that predates them too, to visitors from other worlds. In other words, BOOM! Take that academia! But watchers of the film, like myself, must know (and I emphasize ‘must’) that the filmmakers are strictly in it for the (to be honest) well thought out connectedness of the mythology. If it made no sense at all, nobody would care.

The connectedness comes from the [completely fictional] details. The film has explicit, clear artwork depicting aliens and predators. The art is showing/telling the characters the exact "true" history of human kind. The Predators (Von Daniken's Aztec "Gods" from the sky) taught the ancients how to build the pyramids. The pyramids function as some sort of training/ritual area for the Predators. Hey, it may not be true, but we all know Arnold fought one of these beasts before so who’s to argue the merits? In the universe of the film, anything they say goes because they have the rights to do so.

Some ethnoarchealology even happens with the behavior of the predator being interpreted and linked to past civilizations. It all gives this movie a scientific, real feeling that the filmmakers are aiming for. That’s the key word too. The Colbertian “feel” of truth. Truthiness.

This movie highlights how interesting the extraterrestrial connection to the past is. It’s a heavily imaginative, apparently violent, and 'fictional?' story of our "past." Archaeology just isn’t this interesting and quite frankly, doesn’t ever expect to be to the general world population. People entertain these ideas for the simple fact that they are entertaining. The ancient past is inconsequential to the average viewer's life. More fantastical explanations, factual or not, draw the interest of the "layman."The bottom line is that it’s kind of fun.

Personally, this film wasn’t as great as, well, better movies. I’d like to have had it been more epic…maybe add a standoff or eight.

Chariots of the Gods. Archaeologically speaking.

I did not like this movie. If it wasn’t for the class, there is no way I'd have even watched it. Tell me that somebody is tying Aliens to ancient cites and that they are serious and I'll have a hard time thinking they are sane.

To be fair, I went into it with the same mindset that was used when I watched The Last Airbender. I left room for error and maintained low expectations. Sadly, it had similar results, complete annoyance. The "evidence" Von Daniken uses is moronic if it is even presented. A groggy six year old can come up with better, more plausible conclusions.

While the film was going, it took maybe 20 minutes before I was finally sure this was being presented as non-fiction, and that was only because in fiction, there is more thought put into making the story seem believable. The entire time, the narrator is just shot gunning loaded questions on a backdrop of archaeological sites. In Ancient Egypt, for example, it’s too complex for stupid primitive humans to have built so aliens did it, no? This painting about an ambiguous drawing, that's an alien right? The narration became insulting too. Daniken insists that people are simply not capable of anything extraordinary.

It became painful to watch. Instead of the old archaeological saying "When in doubt, Ritual!" it became "There is doubt? ALIENS!" It’s not science. Not in any sense. It is reworking facts rather than utilizing them. Every question an archaeologist should ask is asked. "Who built X and how did they do it?" Then it jumps right to aliens...all the time. When it comes to aliens and earth, even people who are "abducted" would agree to the anomalistic nature of such events.

This movie and all who agree with it sincerely are frightening. Coupled with massive accusations and Von Daniken's own admissions of fraud, it’s somehow all the more disturbing. As Detective Emerson Cob from the show Pushing Daisies once stated "Oh look, a dumb idea just found a friend." Except that "just" is 1970 and that dumb idea has more than one friend.

"Pirates of the Caribbean: The Cure of the Black Pearl" Through Archaeology.

I watched the movie (probably my 10th all-time viewing) ready to scrutinize every inaccuracy (I may be biased). The archaeological aspects had not gone unnoticed before but what I found through this new, ultra archaeological lens, however, was new appreciation for a movie Id relatively recently gotten unobsessed over.

What is depicted is archaeology being made. We are shown how ships of old get drowned, we see clothes and trinkets and weapons being used in what seem like accurate enough ways.

The entire movie gives the air of historical reconstruction embedded with magical phenomenon. The film may amp up the obsession over treasure but for this level of action and fantasy, it remains heavily grounded in the 17th/18th century life style and depictions.

The actions of pirates have some historical basis. We were told in lecture how they didn't have women, their captainship was less formal and how women were not on ships at all. The life on the ship is shown to be quite gritty and unsophisticated. Women that are present are definitely anomalies. The pirates are looters and low lifes and for all we know, they did all leave merchant ships. A parallel is even made between pirates and merchants when Will and Sparrow are talking about “Bootstrap” Bill Turner.

Some detractors may point to the attire of Captain Barbossa or his elevated position and even to how the pirates raided as being inaccurate. It seems like those criticisms overlook the "curse" aspect of this movie. Yeah Barbossa is captain but he is recognized as such. We learn the Jack Sparrow was basically voted out of the job at the whim of the crew, much like the historical facts told to us in lecture. The raid, being on, what seemed like, a major port, was driven by magic and not typical pirate behavior.

What I will concede however is the seemingly glamorous portrayal of the navy. From what we were told, conditions were awful and nobody wanted to be in the navy. Other than that (and maybe some as yet inconsequential nitpicks here and there) this film does a fantastic job of giving as close a depiction to real pirate life as can be expected of a fantasy/action/adventure. At the very least, we should all be thankful that it is not a pile of cutesy entertaining fluff like The Mummy.

How there is nothing like the feeling a story with a happy ending and just desserts for all will endow me with.

This topic is a strange one, and by "this topic," i mean kumquats. Well im not talking about kumquats I'm talking about happy endings in fiction (heck lets throw that blanket around non fiction too) Im going to focus in on Dollhouse in particular since its current...recent. Ive heard complaints about how lackluster this finale was. I say, all those complaints are ridiculous.

Anticlimactic? Of course it is. They practically ended the series with a boom the previous week, did everyone just forget about the whole building blowing up? This was meant to be an epilogue. This is what happens afterwords. (yes, thats the definition of epilogue) It also seems like people are forgetting that this is a show that got canceled. That means that the fact that we get an ending at all is worth more than a stupid climax (which already happened) can offer. Lets never forget that the series was canceled. They shoved 4 years of story into this and they demand something from the audience. They need us to fill holes they they feel we have the imagination to fill.

A similar situation had occurred last year with Harry Potter 6. People just expect things that are irrational. HBP is meant to be pure filler. its not an ending, it has no real beginning. Asking for anything else is moronic. With HBP i saw a well made high production valued filler flick that was quite enjoyable. Going back to Dollhouse, what I saw was a perfect ending that brought a close to very big questions. Id even argue that Ballard was the Main Character of the story. Sure sure Echo is yada yada, and Sierrtor are the most lovable couple but Ballard is central to the story. He is the engine while Echo is the fuselage. Plus his is the only story that has a beginning middle and end.

The other complaint i can see happening is that it didnt leave you in a shocked state like Angel or Terminator TSCC do. Im ok with this also. When comparing you will see that those other fantastic endings are not endings (ill just leave it at that) while this one is definitive. Its a bookend.

Let me swivel away a bit and focus on Happy ending. Now my definition of happy ending is disagreeable. Its when the most awesome characters come out victorious. I say its a disagreeable definition because its completely wrong and irrational. But. Whatever. Its satisfying, ergo Happy. I want all endings to be happy. No Babels and no Crash. I want to be able to root for someone and then something acceptably awesome o happen to them (for better or worse). The key is awesomeness.

Generally speaking, a good ending for this antihero (i just called myself an anti hero) is one that is simple, powerful, just, and awesome.

Side note to Joss Whedon: Some people like watching the guy (Wesley/Ballard/Mal...) be happy with the girl (Fred/Echo/Inara, of course you'd have killed her!..)

HDTV: Its a trap!

HD TVs are made of lies and sometimes plasma...or mostly (I'm guessing) liquid crystals.

In 2005, HD TVs were predicted by various technology pundits to be in every household within ten years. That prediction is on its way to being fulfilled. (Thought about fact checking this but figured, 'whatever we all know people said that, we all know its happening.')

Various people have also raved about this, Technofreaks and general society members alike. Its always the "OH MY GOD LOOK HOW CLEAR!" exclamation about some baseball game or nature documentary followed occasionally by the bold proclamation that they will never go back to non HD TVs. I, although not one of the bold proclaimers, have commented on the uber clarity of the Samsung or Sony showing a Blu Ray copy of Star Trek. Eyes wide in amazement and a stupid uncontrollable open mouth smile on my face, I was mesmerized.

They had me going for a bit.

It happened in Orlando early last year (2009). Their HDTV (an early model that was kind of thick and unfashionably gray) was out of commission, something about air flow or tubes or the power button...whatever it was old. So as a replacement, they brought out their square former number one TV. He was extatic (spelling 'ecstatic' that way is so double rainbow, all the way), his family needed him again.

They plugged that sucker in to the living room and all was bearable. TV was not going to go unwatched. The strange thing was that they still had to have their HD service because they expected to (and, soon enough, did) have a new model HD back in the fold. In the mean time, it was that HD service jacked into an old box.

While watching it, something crazy happened. The picture, on this old and forgotten clunker, was immaculate! It was every bit as sharp as any HD. A letter box was in effect but the TV was a 40 incher any way so little was sacrificed...to me. Nobody else cared even a little. The truth lay bare in front of them and it didn't matter.

Well it mattered to me. HD TV is a big conspiracy. The only thing that this new generation of mind melters have accomplished is to make TVs look way cooler. Is that worth the price tag...YES!

HD TVs are NOT about the picture. They are only valuable as very awesome looking TVs that are supercrazy thin. The wide screen is cool but not sharper! Know the truth and you shall feel like nothing is any different because of it...other than...nope, it does nothing really.

Now back to watching Cut Off on VH1.

I begrudgingly apologize to you, Iowa. You do exist and are not a massless quantum coverup devoid of life.

I thought that, because I've come SO close to your borders and visited, repeatedly, every state surrounding you, that the only reason for me never to have entered your Tall Corn borders was that, logically, you didnt exist. The Hawkeyes, those Supernatural episodes set in you, Des Moines' pronounciation(...well that one was a notch for Iowa's nonexistence, you can get away with one silent S, but TWO...come on now.) are all part of a massive cosmic coverup undergone by the government to keep Puerto Rico from being the 51st state. 50 is nice and round and Puerto Rico isnt even predominantly white. So I thought that the US wanted to say they already had 50 states.

Well anyway, Im sorry and I was wrong. I was recently taken, against my stubborn strong-held ignorant beliefs, from Kansas City to Chicago using the Iowa route.
You, Iowa, are actually quite pretty. Your Sun resembles that of my own land's. And your borders did not include a neverending fall into oblivion. My bad.

The Hood

A blood soaked past, one thought long left behind comes roaring back when the shadows move once more. The world as we know it begins to crumble and a decision must be made to either take the fight to the tormentors or be hunted down and fall victim to an unknown fate.

An insatiable thirsts for answers and vengeance awakens and consumes the mind of a humble societal servant...Well, that and a mysterious disembodied voice. They lead her and the rest of the select few into a life impossible. A life of danger, adventure, freaks, dubious loyalties, ice skates and rampant apathy towards romance. A life destined for greatness? Or is it the beginning of the end for all of us?

Cliches and intellectual theft are aplenty as an average girl with an itch for archery, a kid, a soldier, a total dweeb, a sniper, and a renegade royal take charge. They are our last defense. They are our only defense. And they have theological issues.

The Hood. (Insert Terminator Sarah Connor Chronicles End Credits Theme)

Influenced by Robin Hood, Angel/Buffy, Supernatural, Aliens in America and The Britannica Guide to GENETICS!, Farscape, Pushing Daisies, Doctor Who, and my own life aka The Source.