Why Id make a fabulous super villain. Why I want to be like Sylar and what that means.

March 5, 2010 at 2:47am

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqZMlSZzUu8

A super villain almost always loses. This is not fair. Actually, even when they win, its always the "they didnt know the extent of their deeds" business and it ends with them not wanting to have done it in the first place. (There are, of course, exceptions: Memento, Garden State, Angel?, Fight Club) That said, its still WAY more fun than being the guy the villains put stress on.

If I was a super villain (my power would obviously be a gun for a hand) I wouldnt mind the inevitable loss. Id actually look forward to it. This is what will make me dangerous...the most dangerous. I will be ruthless...the most ruthless. I will be the law that knows an amendment is coming for it and just screw up as many lives until that vote is passed.

A super villain needs a purpose. Mine would be to be a massive inconvenience. I have no real goal and that makes me the worst kind of evil. Unstoppable and unpredictable. Ill rob a bank of a dollar then ill punt a baby and nobody will see it coming.

Now, a super villain is an instrument of Death. I will model myself like Sylar (of old). I wouldn't hesitate to kill you (remember, im a villain). And by "you" i mean my archnemesis and anyone who stands in my way of (possible) world domination and stealing one Fudgsicle from a grocery store (delicious and more likely) while busting up a couple of handsome shelf restockers Fight Club style. See, i will not hesitate to cap a person who even looks at me funny. Ill even double tap to make sure no zombie be comin all up at me. But this is all grim, I have better reasons to be a fabulous super villain..the most fabulous.

My costume would be very cool looking. This is mostly because any "cool" outfit looks good on me as is. Its just a given, I don't even need to work out or anything. Though i will. Heck lets make sure i can throw a 25 lb dumbbell through dry wall before i get started. (gotta have dramatic flare)

I can use anything as a weapon. A box? Flung at your face. A jacket? Flung at your face. A guitar? Used as a bow and arrow. And the personal Fav: An Afro Pick? Endless unimaginable impossibilities of the worst horrors any human or sentient being can endure. (I jam that thing...I jam it in your face)

Id drive very recklessly yet in complete control. I just have this sixth sense about driving fast. Like a male Dale Earnhardt Jr.

I have a secret base in mind that is perfect. It has a bathroom, bedroom, closet AND kitchen so you know i can sleep all night if i have to work on a plan or something.

My silent stare is very powerful. I scrunch up my lips, my pupils are up showing lots of eye white. The menacing beard is at its best. For effect, i can mutter, in a really dark tone, "thats enough." Beautiful.

The rest of my credentials are my ruthlessness. Its modeled after the Joker and Sylar with a little Spongebob and Patrick mixed in for good measure. I will not let the Hero say a word. "Oh you can help me with info? I dont care!" BAM dead. Thats it. No yip yap no "there is a better way" and no hostages! Mythbusters proved that the diving in with guns blazing thing works. Instead of letting the good guys hunt me down, ill just watch my back and dive in guns blazing whenever i see fit...or get bored. Im a Villain baby. Im Evil.

My next task: A choice. Do i apply for Every Villain Is Lemons or the Evil League of Evil.

Note: Ive read "How to be a super villain"...so yeah.'